Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
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