why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
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