So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
