I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Operation Purity has been aborted
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
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