so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
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