We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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