doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
