you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
