WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
