I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
