Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
