you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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