we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
