i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
