I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
