My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
My pussy is not your playground.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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