How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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