I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
