She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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