Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
