Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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