You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Randomize
