I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
