): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
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