dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
