This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
