i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Randomize
