and next time when you feel me up, do it right
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Randomize
