I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
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