Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
