I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
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