if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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