Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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