Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
vagina is talking i cant
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
