Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
