Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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