FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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