Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
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