is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
