Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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