I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
