i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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