Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Less talking, more tequila
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I want to be your penis for a week.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
