The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
my liver is dry heaving
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
