Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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