Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
