maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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