In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
