i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Randomize
