I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
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