He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
