Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
The air was thick with penises
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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